Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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