I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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