I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
