Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
