frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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