It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck appropriateness.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
