You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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