im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
