there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
