Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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