its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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