Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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