Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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