You really coming over, don't trick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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