whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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