This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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