I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
