SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
