You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
