four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
