i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The air was thick with penises
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
