He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
