Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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