The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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