i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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