I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
