This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
