After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
