Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
