I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
