no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
