wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
