Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
