I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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