I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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