just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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