I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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