Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
