We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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