I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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