anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
