I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
