A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
