I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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