I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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