I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize