Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
