with your own penis?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
