thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
