One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
