I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
