Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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