The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
