That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
