I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
