Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
