mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
