I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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