I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
