She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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