I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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