just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
