i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
