I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
