I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
