My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
